Becoming a family of Three - Stephanie Pollock

Hey Ladies, I wanted to talk a little bit about becoming a family of three! Whether this is your first, third or seventh I think we can all agree that adding another little person to your family's life changes your normal. You now have a new normal and that can often take time to adjust. 

While I was pregnant, I had this vision that our baby girl was going to join us and we were just going to be in total bliss and completely smitten with each other and our new baby 100% of the time. I put false expectations on myself, my husband and our little baby girl. Of course the first few days of her life were bliss, we were in the bubble of newborn endorphins and then we got home and realized that we get a little aggravated when we don't get sleep. And we feel a bit overwhelmed when everything's a mess, and sometimes when a baby is crying and won't stop for anything it can be very trying on your nerves. Now, I don't want to come off negative, becoming a mom is most definitely the best thing. Newborns are the best and we all want to soak up all their cuddles and of course you love your husband a little more because you both made this amazing tiny bundle of love. And watching a dad with his baby will instantly give you baby fever and you'll want 10 more babies! But I think so often moms feel alone because they feel the pressure to have it all together. They feel like they can't share that adding a new little person to any situation can be quite challenging, and admitting that its hard on your marriage is like saying you are going to get a divorce. When really thats not what you mean, you just want someone to relate to, to hear you out, to encourage you and tell you that it gets better, that you are allowed to feel these feelings. 

At first, When I started having these thoughts I felt insecure. Like wait, this isn't what I envisioned. I envisioned bliss and this, this is hard. This takes work, and if you happen to have had a few thoughts I have mentioned above or if you have ever felt alone or that you aren't doing enough. I hope these words make you feel like you have a village behind you. That you are not alone and that you you are doing it! Your mothering and being a wife and it takes time to balance it all out! I specifically want to talk about your relationship with your spouse. Because its not always just about the romance its often times more about the connection you have.I recently heard that every choice you make is either to connect or disconnect to your kids, friends, husbands and loved ones. That with each choice your saying; I love you or putting space between you and that person. I certainly don't know it all, and we have have to choose to not get frustrated and keep our love growing everyday, but here a are a few things that have helped us. 

We have both tried to find something each day that helps us connect. If thats leaving each other post-it notes in random places or if its surprise emails while he's at work. Ya know, just a little something that says your still important to me, I still am thinking about you! While I might not be able to clean the toilet with a baby in my hands I can easily write a post it and stick it somewhere fun or type out an email, because our phones are always in our hands anyways right? 

Another thing that we feel is SO Important is knowing each others love language. If you haven't ever heard of Gary Chapmans book The 5 Love Languages I recommend googling it! We recently discovered that our love languages have changed drastically and because we didn't realize that for a while we both thought we were loving each other and serving each other in the right ways when really we both were feeling under appreciated and annoyed. We both have completely different love languages which baffles me, but once we realized what they were again we both felt more valued and respected. 

DATE DATE DATE AND DATE! I know not everyone can get out and go on big dates either finances or they don't have childcare. But some way or another make it a priority in your marriage to date. If thats once a week or once a month. Set out a specific time that is just yours to keep your FRIENDSHIP alive. Get creative, Buy a bottle a wine, get takeout, heck even if its sitting outside in your backyard while your kids sleep (we have done all of these, and they've been super meaningful and fun). Find someway, somehow to have some time together where you can talk about adult things! When you and your spouse connect, you then open the door to connect to your children.

Remember all things take time, finding your new normal can take lots of patience and communication. Just remember love is a choice, so choose to keep your friendship, your marriage alive and then have a million more babies